Skull Jokes are Only Brook's
by SilencePlease
Summary: Nami's patience was thinning out on Brook's frequent "May I see your panties?" and so she tested her long-due plan to stop him. Man, that plan was horrible. Rated T to be safe. Nakamaship. Or romance, if you must. Might be a collection of oneshots for crack pairings later on. B


******I made this since my friend and I challenged ourselves to write a Brook x Nami story. This is the result. It's mostly nakamaship though. :) I haven't read much in OP fandom so I don't really know if somebody had the same idea and had uploaded a similar story. I'm sorry for any coincidental resemblance.**

Warning:** This story may—ah, pardon me—**_**will **_**contain a lot of scenes that are too dubious to happen in One Piece universe. Might also have a lot of typos and OOCness. Sorry!**

Disclaimer:**I do not own One Piece. (Though I wish I own Zoro, but that's beside the point.) It solely belongs to Eiichiro Oda.**

**I hope you enjoy this!**

* * *

Even after several months of sailing with the perverted skeleton, Nami still couldn't stop herself from kicking Brook in the face—or skull, whatever—whenever he asked _the_ question, which usually resulted to nosebleeds for him. Setting aside the question of how Brook can even bleed when he's all bones, Nami started to wonder if there was ever a way for him to stop pestering her for panties. (Lucky Robin; she's never asked.) The answer dawned on her as they were on their way to Fishman Island. Since then, she couldn't wait to test her theory.

Alas, her chance came when the ship was moored on an island with swimming cockroaches. (And no, she was _not_ looking forward to _any _ of Brook's harassments, but they still came anyway.)

She was picking her _mikans_ when she heard someone humming _Binks' Sake_. The humming, as well as the sound of footsteps, stopped short behind her.

"Ah, Nami-san," Brook started to say as Nami prepared herself for what was bound to happen. "May I see your panties?"

Nami turned around so quickly that Brook actually flinched, probably expecting another of her kicks.

"But Brook," she said slowly. Nami was fairly sure that Brook would have blinked in confusion if he had the eyelids to do so. "You don't have any eyes to see with."

There was a moment of silence, and Nami only then noticed that Usopp and Chopper were around too.

Suddenly, Brook crumpled to the grassy ground, which was rather painful to see since he was just bones. He did the OTL position, and started to bawl his eyes out—not that he had any in the first place. But _that_ was her point! He shouldn't be asking to see any lady's undergarment not only because he did not even have any eyes, but also because it was just plain rude.

"Nami!" two of the youngest crewmembers cried out after they'd approached Brook and had poked him a few times in the ribs.

"What?" she said a bit crossly. Their tone was _not_ friendly.

"Look at him!" Usopp said.

"You stole his line!" Chopper added. "That's a no-no, Nami!"

Nami rolled her eyes. "And he was asking for my panties," she pointed out.

"But that's pretty normal, right?" Usopp shrugged.

"And it's taboo to steal his lines!" Chopper repeated, already freaking out. "Skull jokes! They're _his_ jokes!"

Usopp nodded vigorously in agreement.

Nami then could only stare as the two resumed their bringing-back-the-life-in-Brook project. After several minutes, it was proving to be a frustrating job.

Chopper turned into his human form and heaved Brook's bony body on his shoulder and said, "I'm taking him to the sick bay. He's not responding at all." He then made his way to the infirmary.

Usopp looked at her accusingly. He muttered under his breath, though Nami suspected he intended to let her hear, "It's all your stupid fault." Then he turned and followed Chopper.

Nami gasped in horror.

"W-Wait a minute," she stammered, which made Usopp stop in his tracks. "How is this _my _fault?"

"You stole one of his lines." Usopp said it like it was as obvious as the fact that Nami's hair was orange.

Nami still couldn't get the logic. "So?"

When Usopp didn't answer right away, Nami patiently waited. It was obvious to her that Usopp was drilling his mind for a reasonable answer. Apparently, he came up with one.

"Skull jokes are Brook's. You just said one."

"You just rephrased your answer!"

Usopp shrugged again, as if it was not his business if Nami couldn't get the drift, and proceeded to his way downstairs. Nami was left to wonder with only her half-filled basket to help.

* * *

Dinner was announced served and Nami entered the dining room. Everybody was around, except for the latest addition to the crew. What greeted her first was a frown from the captain.

"Nami," Luffy said so seriously that she thought he'd exchanged souls with Zoro.

She gulped. "What is it, Luffy?"

"I heard from Usopp."

She looked at the person mentioned, who was pretending to be busy with his dinner. Her gaze then fell to the others and noticed that everyone's eyes were on her. She didn't need to wonder why. Luffy rarely used that tone outside the battlefield.

"What about it?" she said nervously. She wouldn't be surprised if her voice quivered. Luffy might act like a total moron most of the time, but when it came to it… all Impel Down broke loose.

"You hurt Brook."

Usually, Nami could shrug off anything that Luffy would say, but when he used short sentences paired with that awfully uncharacteristic stern tone, not even Zoro nor Robin could stay so calm. There was no dismissing of the matter.

"I… Um, I'm sorry."

Luffy's scowl didn't lighten a shade. "Say that to Brook."

"Ah, o-of course," she quickly added. "I will."

Luffy seemed contented with that answer and so continued eating his meal calmly, no stretching of limbs and snatching of people's food. That in itself was a big signboard reading, "Explosive. Do not disturb."

Nami managed to swallow a few spoonfuls before she decided to end her misery. She walked out of the dining room and straightway went to the infirmary. Sanji didn't even bother her for not finishing her meal, so she figured things really seemed to be serious for everybody.

She decided to knock and, since nobody answered, she entered anyway.

Brook was laid on one of the beds, limbs and all tucked neatly beneath a blanket, which was a bit creepy for her. He already looked dead, and the white blanket made it worse. She tried to wave the thought away.

She took a chair, set it beside Brook's bed, and sat on it. She couldn't tell if Brook was awake or not, but she started to rattle on.

"Brook," she said sheepishly. It seemed that the thought about him looking 'more dead' with the blankets had not fully left her mind, so she felt awkward with the gloomy talk. It felt like saying an obituary for him.

"I'm so sorry for what I said earlier when, you know, you asked to see my… Yeah. I did not know you'd take it that way, that badly. You see, I was just testing out an idea. I thought I'd make you stop asking for _that_ since it's uncomfortable. Seriously, if I'd known that you'd react this way, I wouldn't have done it."

Nami looked into Brook's eye sockets. There was still no sign that he was listening.

"I guess I have to repeat this when I'm sure you're wide awake," she mumbled.

"There's no need for that, Nami-san."

The sudden movement made Nami jump, and the chair clanked on the floor.

"Brook!" she exclaimed. "You're awake."

"Yohohoho," Brook laughed as he sat up. "Of course! I heard everything so no worries! You won't have to say that again."

Brook smiled though Nami couldn't explain how she could tell. His face had no muscles anymore, which would have made smiling impossible, but there she was, knowing he was smiling. Weird, if somebody asked her.

"That's a relief, I guess," Nami sighed. "So you're okay now?"

Brook laughed again. "Of course! After your heartwarming speech, my heart was indeed warmed!"

He paused, and Nami knew another of his jokes was on its way.

"Ah! I have no heart to be warmed though!"

To emphasize his point, he pointed to his empty ribcage. Nami cracked a smile, actually finding the joke a bit funny. Now _that_ was new.

"Anyway," she said hurriedly before her disturbing thoughts could actually properly disturb her, "dinner is ready. We could go now and maybe there's still some left."

After Brook had groomed himself, they walked to the dining room together. They were passing through the deck (the door connecting the dining room and the infirmary was broken and Chopper appeared to have forgotten to tell Franky about it) when Brook broke the silence.

"Ah, Nami-san," he started to say. Nami dreaded what she thought was coming, but another scene met her when she turned to Brook. "May I sing you a song?"

Brook had brought out his trusty violin (where he kept it she didn't know) and had placed it under his jawbone when he asked.

Nami smiled softly at the much skinnier—though he didn't have skin so, perhaps, thinner—man.

"Of course," she replied with a smile.

Nami did not know what the song was called, but she figured that it didn't matter. Brook sang the song so well and played it so well, as well. It made her realize that music really had power.

When the song ended, Nami said, "That was beautiful, Brook."

"Beautiful," he agreed. "But not as lovely as you."

She actually blushed.

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**Reviews are welcome :)**

**~Bianca**


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